Friday, December 18, 2009


It's funny how life works out. I spent a huge amount of time with my Bradley boys and girls <3 who are just about the most amazing people ever! They helped me realize a lot of things about myself and helped me realize what I wanted in another person. I had basically decided that I was done with relationships and anything attached to them for a very long time. I just wanted the space to be me. I never really realized that I could be ME, as long as the guy I was with was accepting of the person I really was. For most of my relationships I'd always been whatever I thought a guy would like the most. It was a subconscious thing, of course. I never knew I was doing it at the time. But this past experience gave me the understanding of what I really needed out of a relationship, and the type of person I should be with. It also gave me a lot of insight into how I am in relationships. I'm very giving and very loving, as long as I know the feeling is mutual (and of course, in many cases, it wasn't REALLY...haha), I'll do anything to help someone, and I'm very loyal. This causes a problem because for some reason, guys (SOME of the ones I've dated) just don't seem to like a nice girl.
ANYWAY, after taking most of the summer to just be single and not worry about dating any guys at all, I regained my confidence and happiness and strength. Then of course, something (or someone) got thrown into the mix when I least expected it. I immediately was attracted to him, but because I was scared of getting hurt, I was hesitant to actually be with him. I took a few weeks to really figure things out. Finally, I decided that not being with this person could potentially be the biggest mistake I could ever make. I mean, why the hell not? I was incredibly happy when I was with them, we had a lot of fun together, he made me laugh, he accepted me for who I was (a huge goofy nerd), and most of all, I felt really comfortable and secure with him. This last part was basically what sealed the deal for me because for most of my relationships I've had major trust issues (which, in most cases ended up being for good reasons...since most of the guys I've been with became interested in other girls before breaking up with me).
The point of all this is, that for some reason, some part of me was willing to let the terrible experience I had with a person, keep me from being happy with someone I really liked, because I was scared. I can now say that it WOULD have been an incredibly awful mistake to not be with my boyfriend. Sometimes bad things happen and you get hurt and you're afraid to let someone back into your life. But, you bounce back. Being scared is no reason to miss out on all the good things life can bring your way. Take a chance; jump into something wholeheartedly. Fight your fears and learn to trust another person AND yourself. Take your bad experience and find the "something good" you gained out of it, whether it be your strength, or a new understanding about who you are, or just what you learned from it. Take the bad, and try and see the good through it. You'll live without regrets and live a very fulfilling life. I mean, isn't that really what life is all about??

Monday, December 14, 2009

Happiness is the Best Revenge

Remnants of the past; broken down memories of imaginary occurrences
But time heals all wounds,
in this world of hope and love,
and my happiness is the best revenge.